When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
