I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
