Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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