You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
