I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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