do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
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