not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
