1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
