Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
