I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
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