I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
