Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I just found puke in my bra..
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
