I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
