Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
