Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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