Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
COCAINE IS GR8
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
