john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
