I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
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what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
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Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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