hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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