let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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