We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Send help, water and tortillas.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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