evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
