NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
