I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
