There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
you traded sex for a burrito?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
