NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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