best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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