At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
