Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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