Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
