i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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