She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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