One girl and one boy is just not enough.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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