You can't motorboat a personality
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
