if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize