you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
