I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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