I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
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As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
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I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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