Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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