i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize