i don't like sucking hair
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
