So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
