? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Randomize
