i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
