everyone is single if you try hard enough
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
