I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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