This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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