Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
