haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
