I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
