You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
We got so high we made milksteak
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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