What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
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I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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