how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Randomize
