you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
